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Dear forum colleagues,
I have a question about starting a new life in Indonesia and hopefully some of you can help me...
The story is, I'm not a 'romantic' woman but on any unknown way I've fallen in love with an Indonesian man. I'm European. We met there, we didn't have anything with each other there but during last months we've been in closed contact through email, chat and skype and, as I said, it's very difficult for me to fall in love with somebody, but he's very special to me...
The problem is, he's married and has children. I feel really horrible for that but I also have to understand, he has the right to remake his life. He says that it's very difficult to get divorced so we could live in another part of the island (without getting married).
So my questions are:
- we are planning to start a business together (I'd go there to live in a couple of months): may I have the right, as a single woman there, to have that business under his and my name (both)?
- how are usually these relationships with the family (and exwife!) of the man who goes living with another woman to another part of the island?
- would it be better for me if he gets divorced and marries me?
- if we have a child, what would happen?
- do you know any experience of somebody you know who is or has been in the same situation?
Thank you very much for your answers... I will appreciate them very much..
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On 05-11-2009 10:14 Happiness wrote:
So my questions are:
- we are planning to start a business together (I'd go there to live in a couple of months): may I have the right, as a single woman there, to have that business under his and my name (both)?
- how are usually these relationships with the family (and exwife!) of the man who goes living with another woman to another part of the island?
- would it be better for me if he gets divorced and marries me?
- if we have a child, what would happen?
- do you know any experience of somebody you know who is or has been in the same situation?
Thank you very much for your answers... I will appreciate them very much..
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My answers:
No. You will have no rights at all, unless you prepare yourself thoroughly (and even then it's almost impossible)
Those kinds of relationships are very usual. The foreigner (i.e. you ) is usually referred to as ` the victim.'
That won't happen. He probably loves his wife and children. Your task is to finance him and them.
You'll have to raise the child (and pay for it, of course, but that's the general idea anyway)
Plenty.
I doubt if you will appreciate my answers, and I have even more doubts if you'll act in any way upon them. Seen it before.
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And... they're coming to take me away haha
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I agree with Guna2, you're just going to get a complete disaster and no new life. I've seen it so many times before. For example in Bali: more than 90% of the western women who marry (or live together) with an Indonesian man, is divorced within 5 years and left with at least 1 child (if not more). It's not a nonsense story, you can check this easily......it's investigated and the results were published a while ago. Read some literature about live in Bali. It also counts for other islands.
And what is his job? If he doesn't has a decent job, then I'm 100% sure that the reactions of Guna2 are 100% true. Forget love...it doesn't count here.
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Happiness,
there are rules and there is daily practice.
I sometimes see that European males marry an Indonesian female to easier do business in Indonesia. But I do not know the details.
In Padanbai (Bali) I visited a pub/restaurant owned by an Indonesian/Dutch couple, officially married. They had children together. The Dutch woman informed me that she chose with her heart and with her brains to marry her husband. My impression was that she really managed the pub/restaurant. Business went well, she informed me.
Maybe this is information that is on any help. Hope you will find happiness,
Leonard.
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