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Happiness
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Dear forum colleagues,
I have a question about starting a new life in Indonesia and hopefully some of you can help me...

The story is, I'm not a 'romantic' woman but on any unknown way I've fallen in love with an Indonesian man. I'm European. We met there, we didn't have anything with each other there but during last months we've been in closed contact through email, chat and skype and, as I said, it's very difficult for me to fall in love with somebody, but he's very special to me...

The problem is, he's married and has children. I feel really horrible for that but I also have to understand, he has the right to remake his life. He says that it's very difficult to get divorced so we could live in another part of the island (without getting married).

So my questions are:
- we are planning to start a business together (I'd go there to live in a couple of months): may I have the right, as a single woman there, to have that business under his and my name (both)?
- how are usually these relationships with the family (and exwife!) of the man who goes living with another woman to another part of the island?
- would it be better for me if he gets divorced and marries me?
- if we have a child, what would happen?
- do you know any experience of somebody you know who is or has been in the same situation?
Thank you very much for your answers... I will appreciate them very much..



guna2
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On 05-11-2009 10:14 Happiness wrote:
So my questions are:
- we are planning to start a business together (I'd go there to live in a couple of months): may I have the right, as a single woman there, to have that business under his and my name (both)?
- how are usually these relationships with the family (and exwife!) of the man who goes living with another woman to another part of the island?
- would it be better for me if he gets divorced and marries me?
- if we have a child, what would happen?
- do you know any experience of somebody you know who is or has been in the same situation?
Thank you very much for your answers... I will appreciate them very much..


My answers:
  • No. You will have no rights at all, unless you prepare yourself thoroughly (and even then it's almost impossible)
  • Those kinds of relationships are very usual. The foreigner (i.e. you ) is usually referred to as ` the victim.'
  • That won't happen. He probably loves his wife and children. Your task is to finance him and them.
  • You'll have to raise the child (and pay for it, of course, but that's the general idea anyway)
  • Plenty.
    I doubt if you will appreciate my answers, and I have even more doubts if you'll act in any way upon them. Seen it before.



  • Yogya-Bali
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    I agree with Guna2, you're just going to get a complete disaster and no new life. I've seen it so many times before. For example in Bali: more than 90% of the western women who marry (or live together) with an Indonesian man, is divorced within 5 years and left with at least 1 child (if not more). It's not a nonsense story, you can check this easily......it's investigated and the results were published a while ago. Read some literature about live in Bali. It also counts for other islands.
    And what is his job? If he doesn't has a decent job, then I'm 100% sure that the reactions of Guna2 are 100% true. Forget love...it doesn't count here.



    Leonard
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    Happiness,
    there are rules and there is daily practice.
    I sometimes see that European males marry an Indonesian female to easier do business in Indonesia. But I do not know the details.
    In Padanbai (Bali) I visited a pub/restaurant owned by an Indonesian/Dutch couple, officially married. They had children together. The Dutch woman informed me that she chose with her heart and with her brains to marry her husband. My impression was that she really managed the pub/restaurant. Business went well, she informed me.
    Maybe this is information that is on any help. Hope you will find happiness,

    Leonard.



    Gusans
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    Happiness,

    I agree with all above but why do you not just try it for 6 months first. Just live in Indonesia and see if you like it and see how it turns out with your special person. Although I agree a lot of Indonesian man see European women as means of finance for their wife and family (and having an European woman as lover does give the man status with his friends) however there are exceptions.
    My husband divorced for me (it's not difficult just expensive) from his Indonesian wife and we recently got married, have our own child and live in Indonesia. So it is possible but I would take some caution. Please find happiness,



    alterity
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    I think you are just his bit on the side. Open your eyes and find someone else - who is still single. Good luck.



    avanteQue
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    yes i agree with alterity,happines there is many single man in this world who will give you more love,caring. i think if you still have relation with him how about his wife?his children.
    ? he will be buzy with you and maybe for softly he will forget his family. you are a beautiful and smart woman.go forward and continue your life.


    best regard

    Emoticon: Bye bye



    pPamela
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    Oh, no, NOT another silly Western woman with stars in her eyes over an Indonesian man and a married one too.
    Wake up now woman or you will lose everything and end up single with nothing.
    There are loads of stories on the internet if you bother to look about your situation.
    In many cases the wife is in on it too.
    Pamela.
    (who has made 9 visits to Indonesia since 1997, including 5.5 months in 2006 and who mixes closely with the local people and knows how some of these guys operate.



    pPamela
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    Just read all the other comments and realized everyone else has said virtually the same thing.
    I want to know why you have NOT mentioned which island you met this man.






    pPamela
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    Just re read your post and he is already conning you with it is difficult to get divorced in Indonesia.
    What bullshit!! I know many people who have divorced in Indonesia.
    Wake up before you lose everything- money, self respect etc etc
    Pamela



    Yogya-Bali
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    I agree with u pPamela. The whole story looks like if Happiness belongs to the 90% I already mentioned above. Get a better life and leave this guy alone (also don't interfere with a married couple: if you don't want these things will happen to you, don't do it to somebody else).



    Irdxb
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    Forget about your planning my dear....it's not going to work...believe me end of the day you don't own the business as what your plan is.

    Living together and not getting married in a muslim dominated country would be a worst nightmare of your life.

    Think hard dear before hard life befalls you. Emoticon: Nooo



    laLuna
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    Hi, I would just like to know how you've decided. Are you still in love with that guy or have you moved on already?



    GAllen
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    Many good advice has already been given. I would say continue chatting and learning about each other but dont move forwards until he chooses and does gets a divorce. If you can enjoy being the girl friend then good luck. I would imagine you will be wanting to be with him but he will be spending most of his time with his wife and kids and if you are able to be happy alone until he arrives than it can work. To create a business with a lover would not be recommended but maybe if you do the paper work with a good lawyer you can protect yourself. I read that you say you dont know what love is and it is hard for you so why are you doing this? most would do this riskfull think cause they think they are in love but you mention that you are not. GA.



    simmo
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    Simply The man should support you , not you support the man .






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