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Dear Sascha,


just my 2 cents


If I give a penny for your thought and you give your two cents, where are the other cents?
Just joking. I read it in the latest Readers Digest (Indonesian).

Warm Regards,

WJ



harry_ej
User
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thanks everybody for the nice replies and nice feedback.

It is good to know that there are still forums where civilized people post messages. I put this question on other forums before but all i got were insulting and negative remarks.

I don't know why i never managed to find female indonesian friends, after all i have been in Indonesia 11 years.

Anyway i decided to become a bit braver. Yesterday i asked my Indonesian boss if it was ok if i asked her daughter (26) out. I met her daughter on semi-official occasions quite often and i really like her a lot but until now i was too shy and chicken to say much to her.

My boss response was surprising, she told me to get my ass to the telephone and call her daughter, she was not going to ask her, i had to do it myself.

Anyway i called her with my heart in my troath, so scared of refusal. Anyway her daughter said she really liked the idea of a date.

So we had our first date last evening, just basically talking and getting to know each other. When i asked her if she wanted to meet me again (again with my heart beating 300 strokes mer minute) she said, "sure what about tomorrow night??" I didn't believe what i was hearing.

Anyway i feel a lot better now (starting to fall a bit already Emoticon: Blush ) I don't know why i haven't done it before, it is as if i haven't really been living.

But as easy as i make it look, it was a really big step for me to ask her out for a date, haven't been as nervous in a long time.

Thanks all



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Dear Harry,

Congratulation!!!!! Be yourself, and remember, whatever happen, the sun will shine tomorrow. Be strong, and good luck always!

Warm Regards,

WJ



erwin
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Congratulation!

Now you see how easy it is. Women don't like wallflowers who are even scared to breath. If you don't talk to them - even because you are too shy - they think you are arrogant and they think you find them ugly.
They love it when men are chasing them.
The first step is the most difficult, so that's behind you. Even if you need to date another girl, it will be a lot easier.
But let us know the evolution with your boss' daughter.
And, oh yes, I think you owe us an invitation to your wedding! Emoticon: Puh!


Het is beter spijt te hebben van iets dat je gedaan hebt, dan spijt te hebben om iets dat je niet gedaan hebt

Yogya-Bali
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On 27-09-2006 17:45 Veer01 wrote:
Your story seems a bit ridiculous to me...why should they not like you for having green eyes???I think it lies in how you treat them,so with respect and dignity you get far.


That's true. I know Harry already for years and it is always the same old story, how difficult it is to get an Indonesian girlfriend.
What is wrong is his approach. A lot of people told him that already but it doesn't seem to work after all these years. Maybe Harry needs professional help.

Dear Harry. The first thing you have to do is stop complaining about Indonesian women and stop complaining about your own looks. The way you confrontate Indonesian women with yourself is completely wrong. You always start with a loud voice complaining about the fact that Indonesian women don't like you because they think you're ugly. Well, that's not the way to approach women, in common, not only Indonesian girls. You will get the opposite reaction; they start to skirt you.
You once tried to talk with my wife and she became even scared of you (and it takes a lot to get her scared). All the girls in the restaurant became afraid of you the way you were shouting and they thought that there was something mentally wrong with you. With all this whining and self-pity you don't impress girls and also will not get any form of pity or sympathy from them. Don't always complain about yourself.
The last time I met you - probably already 3 years ago - it was the same old story: instead of starting a nice conversation with girls, you start talkin with them about how ugly you are and that no one likes you. Come on: girls just wanna have fun. They are not in for self-pity stories and weakness, boys without self-confidence. I told you that already before. It is crazy that after all these years you just don't wanna learn.
Sorry, I don't feel any pity for you if you didn't learn anything in all these years.



Yogya-Bali
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Apart from that you mostly hang up stupid conversations with a lot of exaggerations, lies and the fact that you want to be respected as an Indonesian. Just look in the mirror and you have to realize that not a single Indonesian will ever accept you as an Indonesian. So don't try to act like an Indonesian or going too native. That's also a reason an Indonesian woman will never respect you cause you don't respect your own background. ANd if you don't respect yourself, how can you expect that somebody else respect you?!



JohanN
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So I understand that this story of Harry is actually true? Sorry, I thought it was just another story from someone who wants attention.



Begin de details te vergeten

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Harry, a little advice from a woman:
1. straighten up your goal. What do you really want? A girlfriend, in every sense of the word, or just a female friend?
*** To get an Indonesian girlfriend, be open, be friendly, be active NOT aggressive.
And don't try to be too native. They like you because you're different in physical characters, language, culture, etc. It is advisable to learn local culture but you shouldn't lose your true color entirely. Be happy in your own skin. Good energy radiates warmth.

2. It is important that you have also male friends, buddies. Don't talk to your cat too often because cats can't reply, they don't even care. Take a gym class, involve in community activities, whatever. Just make sure you're not alone too often. Spending time with your buddies can lower your "boring scale," and being able to play pool or bowling well can actually be an advantage. You can teach your female friends/prospective girlfriends.. who knows?

3. Don't try too hard. Remember that it takes a long time to make a friend but you can lose one in an hour. Just take it nice and easy, engage in simple conversations, be interested (but not TOO interested) in her job/activities/hobbies, share your values, your perspectives, and never, never let a woman pay on the first date.

4. Be honest. If you already have a girlfriend/someone you like a lot, don't hide the fact from your female friends. Especially when you sense that they have a crush on you. Let them know where they stand. Starting a relationship/courtship with a lie, is never a good sign.

5. Have respect. Respect other people's values and cultures because east is east and west is west, and never the twains shall meet.

6. I must stop babbling and let you find your own way. Good luck. Emoticon: Shiny





Slightly older, hopefully wiser, absolutely prettier

AnisJ
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Some 'westerner' are tht shortminded they come to INDOSnesos, on holidays, 'just for sex' and 'camouflage' it with "INDOnesian girls" or 'girls from ......' etc ......
Actually Kinanti we only should pity these people(men), 'cause they are a 'by-product' of the 'so-called civilized western-society' that is more and more getting 'individualised' .........


'Ahu kura ahia, mansia nia'

harry_ej
User
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Ok to get things a bit clear

For starters: No marriage is forthcoming so no invitations sorry to disappoint you guys: She made sure from the beginning that she and me would only be friends and never more. She is more into tall guys and she has a USA sweetheart she met while she was studying in the US. They plan to get married middle of next year.
Yogja bali who are you: I have often done things you tell me but i cannot remember you and your wife. Where did we meet etc? About me wanting to go native, im not aware of trying to go native, i however admit i often tell other people about my misfortune with indo girls, it has been a great issue.

To mrs Kintani. I have never been agressive to indo girls, but my bule friends who are agressive always have gfs they are not one single day without an indo gf, often they have multiple gfs at the same time!!!!!

I go to the gym 4 or 5 times per week and have done so for many years. I really train hard to keep my physique in order, quite important in Indonesia, I also dont (almost) drink and never smoke.

I never met an indo girl who had a crush on me, nor did i ever have an indo gf so i never had to hide that. but i often developed a crush for an indonesian girl, never was answered to me though.

Thx for the advice again






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Sorry to say harry, but after reading all this I really advise you to find some mental help.
This is not to bullshit, but listen.

I've seen the most ugly men walking around with girlfriends.
You do not look bad, and i think you know that.

Indonesia is one of the countries it is the to most easy to find a girl.

If you can not get this after 11 years!!!!! here, you have a problem my friend....

There are pretty good therapists here in Jakarta, I would suggest you visit one...

Good luck...

Greetz



balangan
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You are mentally deranged! You just looking for some attention.
Unfortunately some forum members can't see through.
i guess the doctors already give up with you.



Jantje
User
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Anyway i decided to become a bit braver. Yesterday i asked my Indonesian boss if it was ok if i asked her daughter (26) out. I met her daughter on semi-official occasions quite often and i really like her a lot but until now i was too shy and chicken to say much to her.


"I wanna tell her that I love her a lot but I need a belly full of wine..
boss's daughter is a pretty nice girl and I want to make her mine.. oh yeah..I want to make her mine.." Emoticon: Blush




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Err, Harry, it is Ms not Mrs. And the name's Kinanti not Kintani.
To reply Anis, yaah, if foreigners just wanna look for " a blanket" or a prostitute to warm the bed, well, look no further than Blok M or simply hang out at Tigapuluh. There, they can find the notorious chicken farms.

But do not expect to build a relationship with girls from such places.

I wish to write more, but must go back to work. Veel Geluck (is it correct?)


Slightly older, hopefully wiser, absolutely prettier

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[quote] On 01-10-2006 21:13 kinanti pinta wrote: Veel Geluck (is it correct?) [/quote

Almost correct Kinanti pinta....Sudah tau.........Geluk Emoticon: Wink


Live life to the max.......

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Thanks Martin-Solo. I've been learning DUtch for a few months but still got no confidence to use it. I need a conversation partner, maybe. Emoticon: Sadley




Slightly older, hopefully wiser, absolutely prettier

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By the way, Harry, your life is perfect already with or without a relationship. Don't fall into the illusion that your life can only be complete if you are in a relationship. Just enjoy your life as a singleton and enjoy being en eligible bachelor hahaha. Jakarta people will say: JOHAN (Jodoh di Tangan Tuhan). Cao! Emoticon: Bye bye


Slightly older, hopefully wiser, absolutely prettier

oliver267
User
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Hi Harry......

I am so sorry to hear your story, maybe cupid is not in your side at the moment.
I have a lot of bule friends, and they never looking for a gf at the cafe or bar.
Normally they found it through friends or by attend to the function.
It's a lot of functions like Britcham, Roving, Amcham, IABC, Maybe you should attend to kind of it. Emoticon: Cooool

Do not give up Harry, I think it's not difficult for bule like you to find a good lover in Jakarta as long as you open your heart for girls... Emoticon: Smile

So.. if you want to try to attend the functions, maybe you will find your soulmate.

Good luck ... Emoticon: Bye bye

Regards,
Olive




harry_ej
User
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Some people think that i'm just fishig for sypmathy but that is actually not my goal. The reasons i put this was i wanted to get some views from others (maybe there are other bule with similar experiences) and also reason was to get some expanation about reasons why girls go for taller guys etc....

Well i got views and reactions, seems a lot of nice peope around here. I have been in (mainly) Jakarta for many years, actually since late october 1995.
Throughout these years i had several jobs, until i finally obtained a good position in 2000 when had the luck to get a really good job even though i was obviously locally hired.

Before 2000 i worked in many short time jobs in Jabotabek and Bandung mostly not well paid some well paid, i even worked as an english teacher for a while. The funny think was that i didn't teach students but i had to teach the teachers because they needed to have their english improved.

It goes without sayin that i met very many western guys during these 11 years (expats, pensioners, tourists, wannabe-expats etc), none of them ever had any problems dating and getting indonesian girls, whether as lovers, part time-gf's or even real gf's or wifes. I was always amazed by the sheer ease in which these guys managed to get their girls. Many of them often visited or called me to show off or talk about their latest conquest.
This was one of the reasons i always felt a miss all the time i lived in Indonesia. Of course i was to blame for part of the reason i could not be succesfull in love like the other bule. Ever since it became a frustration for me i started to compare myself and my life to the life of the other bule in jkt and i always came out bad. They had girls, they had love. Indeed i started to talk to everybody about my misfortune and this lead to even less succes, after a while not only the girls avoided me but also the expats and my other bule friends started avoiding me.

In 2001 during a holiday in Jogya i met a British guy who was a little bit older than me. He had been in a terrible accident a couple of years prior and had been in a coma for 9 months. This guy could hardly speak and hardly walk and looked terrifying. To this day i remember i met him in a bar in Sosro and the first thing i thought when he started tallking to me was...."Well i'm not the unluckiest bule in indonesia cos this guy can certainly not have an indo gf".
We hit off pretty well and started talking. I told him that i had been in Indonesia the best part of 6 years and he told me he had been in indonesia 4 months. I asked him what he did and he said he was living with his Gf. Indonesian? i asked. yes he said. Turned out they also lived in Jkt and were also on holiday in Jogja.
After finsihing the drink he asked me to join him to his hotel to meet his gf. i was interested, who was this girl, no doubt in my mind she should be a hooker who was not interested in this poor guy but probably was only sucking him dry. How prejudiced we can be and how wrong also............When i met her i was amazed and didn't believe what i saw. She was one of the prettiest girls i had ever seen in Indonesia (and that says something believe me) But not only was she pretty, she was the opposite fom a hooker and not at all interested in his money. Turned out she was the one who took care (also financially) of the poor UK guy. She had a great job as personell manager of a big Japanese company in Jkt (she is still working there to this day and they have been married for 4 years now). The UK guy has never worked in Jkt because of his handicap he can also not teach english (he can not talk very well) but till this day she is as gorgeous as ever, she is 32 years old now and he is 42 yo now.



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Dear Harry,

I have a very good idea....why don't you ask Oliver (Olivia) for a date?

WJ Emoticon: Bye bye



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Dear olivia,

please don't kill me...

wj



oliver267
User
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windy.........

Emoticon: Devil mate....
are you crazy????
I am not that desperate mate Emoticon: Shiny


cheers Emoticon: Worship



harry_ej
User
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dear johnny (surprised to hear from me?),

a) if oliver is a girl she will be looking for a more suitable (handsome) mate to date with:

b)if oliver is a guy i will not be interested in him because in spite of all, i'm not gay and not intending to become one.

Kind regards,

harry



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Olivia,

He is nice. I would date him if I were a woman.

WJ



oliver267
User
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Dear Harry and Windy Emoticon: Smile

I am a girl but I think I am the ugliest girl in Jakarta Emoticon: Blush
What I mean before is that maybe I am not his type Emoticon: I love it
If I were his type, he would add me in FRIENDSTER Emoticon: Yes!

Isn't correct Harry Emoticon: Confused Emoticon: Shiny

Have a nice day guys .... Emoticon: Worship




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