indahnesia.com - Discover Indonesia Online

    
You are currently in > Forum > General chat > View topic

17-01-2015 18:16 · [news] Three more bodies of AirAsia victims to Surabaya hospital  (0 reactions)
17-01-2015 01:23 · [news] Fuel prices lowered, again  (0 reactions)
17-01-2015 00:14 · [news] President dismisses Sutarman as national police chief  (0 reactions)
16-01-2015 12:44 · [news] Alleged terrorists shot dead three villagers in Poso  (2 reactions)
16-01-2015 02:15 · [news] Indonesia to execute six drug convicts  (0 reactions)

emield
User
spacer line
 

I just get an sms from a `very strict muslim` girlfriend in Indonesia.

She tells me there are 2 ways to get married.
The official way where u have to get circumsized, so that u can (most) become muslim.

But there´s also a Siri Marriage! Then u can keep your own religion.
Bad News, There´s a muslim priest and 4 men as witnesses.
U check it yourself, hope it helpes u! Emoticon: Talk to the hand




emield

sidia
User
User icon of sidia
spacer line
 

emield ,

I don't think a proper information.


Bisa dicek mas . http://omsid.multiply.com/

reuveul
User
User icon of reuveul
spacer line
 

be yourself i all that you can do....

if everybody walks out off there homes going to work or whatever they do,
it's better to not think of any religion at all,stay out off peoples minds.
work with eachother,and teach eachother..

but don't tease others with your so said best god or allah or whatever they
call it.....


greetz rob


like to live in ID,but it takes a while to get there

Agung
User
User icon of Agung
spacer line
 

Circumcision? Are you really sure? Emoticon: Talk to the hand

Please forget about your feelings for your love.

Then, do you really think it is normal to ask your lover to have himself cut in such a delicate spot? Emoticon: Worship

You better be sure, since there won’t be a way back.... Emoticon: Cry



bagusdewe
User
spacer line
 

Hi Jason,
Marriage is a life commitment.
You have to ask yourself: love, trend; sexual?
Which one?
Where are you planning to live?
Balikpapan?, Sydney?-Lakemba?, Gold Coast? Melbourne?, Canberra?, Perth?
Where are you in Australia? Let us know where you are
If you are in Sydney, contact Australia-Indonesia Association:
there are so many members with mix marriages. They (members) would be happy to give you their point of view..(the current President's wife is from Jogyakarta, she is Moslem, he is Christian_doesn't go to the Church but)
As the wedding plans (ceremonies) go, that is a technical side.
The most important question is religion.
Is she practising five times prayers ? Or just in the paper?
Are you a church goer?
Which one of you is the stronger?
Do you follow JC? or just "having a Christian Name"?I have many families with mix marriages, they are OK, as they don't argue about religions' differences.Their approach is using common denominator:"LOVE".
Take it easy mate!
Go to Aust -Indon Association, and have a Long chats with their members.

Bagusdewe Emoticon: Bye bye



sebastian
User
spacer line
 

Oh I am lucky my Indonesian wife is Katholic,I don't think I could of gone the chop...maybee there is a God watching out for me Emoticon: Shiny



Tandy
User
spacer line
 

Hi Jason,

I respect on your decision. Whatever it is ..but i am sure that you know the best things for your future. I just want to say "Congratulations" for both you. Prepare yourself for the wedding and future new life. Thats more important for you. By this convert you will face the new rule and I wish you could do it well. Do your best for what you have decided. Again .. "congrulations" Emoticon: Smile



emield
User
spacer line
 

Ok, now I know for sure, it seems u don't have to become a muslim.
Only if the family demands it, otherwise it's NO PROBLEM.

Christian & Muslim can marry, only the family gets some gossip from the neighbourhood, but if their OK with that, then u 2 can marry. (without becoming a muslim)
And u all may guess, how I know that!!!!! Emoticon: Worship




emield

Yogya-Bali
User
User icon of Yogya-Bali
spacer line
 

Right Emield, bullshit that you have to convert to a other religion. I am even married without religion in Indonesia. In this country everything is possible (with some money).
Poor Jason, if your girlfriend would be really in love with you, she never wanted to change the person she loves. No, she is more in love with her family who probably forces her to force you to convert. By the way, your selling yourself to the devil because you surrender for your wife, something an Indonesian husband wouldn't do. He won't change religion, rather the opposite. Now the family knows that you are the weaker part, they will press and push you more and more untill you're fed up with it.
Be wise, think twice.



mashil
User
User icon of mashil
spacer line
 

Jason,
For some reason your love for this Indonesian girl creates a lot of critics/warnings/advises etc.
You would like to marry with her and ask for some advice and everybody is just warning you for all the difficulties (?) you will face.
If you marry with a Indonesian girl (or a girl from another country) you will face some culture differences, ofcourse! But I'm sure you do realize that. But I think in every marriage you will face difficulties and you always have to struggle for that, but If you really love her I guess you will do that.
Don't be shocked by all these warnings and critic's, those are from people who belong to the lucky people who have a perfect relationship!
What they say is not untrue, but its what they common say about a marriage between a bule and a Indonesian. Just experiance it by yourself, I guess you are cukup pinter to see what's good and what isn't.
I agree with the advice that you just ask you girlfriend about everything you like to know about the wedding, its nice to share that together maybe.

Bye the way, there is nothing wrong with circumcision, in America almost everyman did it, and also in Europe more and more men choose for it, just because its more hygienic!
Good luck with everything!


- Let us live simply so that others may simply live -

Yogya-Bali
User
User icon of Yogya-Bali
spacer line
 

Yes, probably Jason is in love with this girl, but concerning his story that his future wife is demanding this and that from him, I doubt about the opposite. Would he accept the same from an Australian woman? I doubt it.



sidia
User
User icon of sidia
spacer line
 

stille kracht ?
people in indonesia believe it .


Bisa dicek mas . http://omsid.multiply.com/

viera
User
spacer line
 

hmmm.... for my advice.. think 100's time for marrige and if you have 100% you love islam... so marry her....
dont push your self change your religion for marrige her...
islam cant push some other religion for change their religion...
just ppl who dont understand islam ... they think islam push for change their mind for marrige...
its not right....
i hope it will help you...
cyaa.. and goodluck ...




sidia
User
User icon of sidia
spacer line
 

Viera ,

you can work as a counselor or open a Biro Jodoh.


Bisa dicek mas . http://omsid.multiply.com/

viera
User
spacer line
 

hmmm interesting...
but naaah... coz i cant find out my soulmate...
GOD still hiding him



Agung
User
User icon of Agung
spacer line
 


Don't be shocked by all these warnings and critic's, those are from people who belong to the lucky people who have a perfect relationship!
In my experience, yes, that's true.

In a good marriage, both of you have to come ( at least! ) halve way. If one of them starts to demand all kinds of things then you have a very serious problem in the fundament of your relation.

By the way, this applies for all relations, not only mixed marrages.




sidia
User
User icon of sidia
spacer line
 

Akur mas .
agree.


Bisa dicek mas . http://omsid.multiply.com/

Yogya-Bali
User
User icon of Yogya-Bali
spacer line
 

You're right. I see a relation always as a bridge to cross and you have to meet each other half way on this bridge, specially in a mixed marriage. It's not that one party is demanding and the other one only is allowed to give.
Again, if a girl would ask me to convert to her faith then definitely the fundaments of the relationship are already non-equal because it seems that she is not accepting me in the way I am.
Have done councelling in Holland for troubled mixed marriage couples and wrote a thesis about it (mixed marriages between Moluccan and Dutch and between Indo's and Dutch). I don't dare to say I am an expert, but at least I have more then average experience with the problem.
Jason, good luck but probably you will be my next client in the future (allthough I am not a counselor anymore).



sidik
User
User icon of sidik
spacer line
 

Anyway, if one of you plans to marry an Indonesian girl, HURRY!
The Indonesian government is preparing a ridiculous rule that a foreigner has to deposit 500 million rupiahs (about US $50.000,=) before getting permission to marry an Indonesian girl (Jakarta Post 10/10/05) .






tunawisma, tunakarya, tunamasalah

Agung
User
User icon of Agung
spacer line
 

Hi Yogya-Bali,

good luck but probably you will be my next client in the future

do you have some statistics about the success of mixed marriage compared to other marriages? I mean with "normal" relation the success rate is also not impressive. In my experience it's not all that bad. Good about mixed relations is that from the very first day you know that you have a problem that you must work on.

Also if you have a relation in whom you must spend months and months separately from each other during the first few years then the relation has already been tested quite a bit. This will probably increase the chance of success.



Yogya-Bali
User
User icon of Yogya-Bali
spacer line
 

No, unfortunately no statistics about success of mixed marriages. But definitely less then so-called normal relations. And it is mostly not the cultural thing but the difference in education, age, background, lack of knowledge, difference between urban people and village people. These are the biggest problems in a lot of relations between Indonesians and foreigners; not the culture. And these are the same problems one would face in a so-called normal relation. The strange thing is that a lot of mixed couples are unequal in educational background, knowledge of other cultures, age, grade of urbanization, etc. Would they go on with a same unequal marriage with their fellow nationals?

You are probably aware of the fact that with the start of a mixed relation you have to work on it, but unfortunately most aren't aware. I noticed the same thing in Holland with the mixed marriages with Indo's and Moluccan people. A lot of Dutch partners were not aware of this fact because their partner was speaking Dutch also. But that doesn't mean that this partner also understand the culture behind the language.
Same thing when you speak English (or even capable of speaking Indonesian) with your Indonesian partner, doesn't mean that your partner (or you) is understanding the cultural background of the language. This is mostly only possible when you're on a same, equal level i.c. education, age, common knowledge, etc.




Yogya-Bali
User
User icon of Yogya-Bali
spacer line
 

A good friend of mine - years ago - came to me almost everyday and complained about the fact that his relation with his Indonesian wife had always problems. He just blamed it on the cultural difference between a Javanese lady and a Dutch man.
Well probably for a part, but then I asked him the next questions:
- would you like to marry a girl in your own country with only elementary school (or any low education while he had a bachelor-degree)? His answer was: no, ofcourse not. My answer: but you just did it.
- would you marry in your own country a girl from Lutjebroek (countryside) while you are a big-city guy? "No, ofcourse not" was his answer. But he just did it, got his wife from a small, remote East-Javanese village.
- would you marry a girl who isn't mature in your own country? "No, I wouldn't do that". But he just did, married a girl of 19 years old while he was 38.

I only tried to explane to him that the problems in his marriage were not the problems in culture but differences in background, education, age, etc, which he never would accepted from a Dutch girl. Now why do a lot of foreigners marry on an unequal base? Probably a lot of people do know the answers.
But above mentioned example makes a lot of mixed marriages unhappy marriages or end up in a divorce.



sidia
User
User icon of sidia
spacer line
 


On 17-10-2005 18:18 Yogya-Bali wrote:

I only tried to explane to him that the problems in his marriage were not the problems in culture but differences in background, education, age, etc


Y-B :
You have make a good observation abt the marriageproblems of yr friend.

And what about the other kind of relations between a foreigner and an indonesian like f.e, friendship , business etc etc .??




Bisa dicek mas . http://omsid.multiply.com/

Agung
User
User icon of Agung
spacer line
 

I agree with both of you. What strikes me is the number of ridiculous marriages between Indonesian and foreigners. With ridiculous I mean: too much difference in age, education and life expectancy. Marriages like that are bound to fail.

In the village, where my wife comes from, they were very happy to see us. Finally a "normal" couple. (We have the nearly the same age, my wife has a university degree and both of us come from a village)

I think for other kinds of relations the same will apply. but the consequences are less severe if things go wrong.



aponto
User
spacer line
 

Agung yth,
It should have been nice to speak bahasa with you,about this issue but
I will certainly not ignore rules of this forum.So I just want to say that there should be a law(which will be unreal ,I know)which should protect asian women from foreigners who have certain intentions.
There are a lot of sad examples of foreigners who are/stay here,just for one purpose.
Regards
Aponto




You have to be logged in to post a message. You can login by clicking here.
If you do not have an account yet, you can register yourself here.



45,607,891 topic views - 220,023 posts - 13,392 topics - 15,531 members - last post @ 27-03-2017 13:31 CET

Created by indahnesia.com · feedback & contact · © 2000-2017
Other websites by indahnesia.com: ticketindonesia.info · kamus-online.com · indonesiepagina.nl · suvono.nl

83,708,909 pageviews Discover Indonesia Online at indahnesia.com